A Liberal’s Dream Come True?

A Liberal’s Dream Come True?

Dems Flip 186 more House seats, Senate Now in Play After Recounts The Blue Wave was a tsunami, turns out. Trump apparently going crazy stomping back and forth and gnashing his teeth.  Melania is freaking.  Ivanka is crying.  The Trump boys have cancelled their giraffe hunting trip.  Pence is hiding under a bed. Where’s Jared? …

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Mushroom Farmers Angry at Stormy Daniels

Mushroom Farmers Angry at Stormy Daniels

Thanks, Stormy, say the nation’s mushroom growers, who have faced an 80 percent decline in business since Stormy Daniels announced in her memoir that Donald Trump’s penis was shaped “like a weird mushroom.” “Nobody wants to even look at them any more,” said Mushroom Association president, James F. Button.  “The very sight of mushrooms makes…

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Dead Brothel Owner Not Ruling Out Presidential Run in 2020

Dead Brothel Owner Not Ruling Out Presidential Run in 2020

Photo by sebastiaan stam on Unsplash After winning the election for assemblyman in Nevada’s 36th district, an ebullient Dennis Hof greeted supporters to declare victory and drop a major hint about his presidential ambitions. “Donald Trump, you better watch out in 2020, I’m coming for you,” cried to the victorious former reality TV star and author of “The…

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Reclusive Millionaire Warns:  “I Might Have Sharted.”

Reclusive Millionaire Warns:  “I Might Have Sharted.”

Something very strange is going on in the financial system.  Very strange indeed.  Especially after that burrito lunch.  According to the Financial Times, Mexican food can indeed lead to an increase in wet flatulence.  But financial planners have often ignored these warnings. Reclusive millionaire Gus Watkins is here to tell you – don’t! Watkins, who…

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256 Pounds Down Today!

256 Pounds Down Today!

I can’t believe I finally reached my goal weight, after 13 months of Keto living.  It has been an incredible journey, and I want to thank everyone here on the reddit keto sub for their help.  Today I weighed in at 6 pounds.  Woop!  Woop! I should explain.  I died, and my wife cremated me. …

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Scientists Make Amazing Breakthrough!

Scientists Make Amazing Breakthrough!

Which claim toward the end of this article will be in fact shown to be exaggerated by the scientists, misunderstood by some journalists and downright falsified by others in the endless puke of hype that is this information age. But here at the beginning we are going to start off with an untempered enthusiasm to…

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Is Your Toothpaste Making You Sick?

Is Your Toothpaste Making You Sick?

Probably not, but read on.  You might be surprised. Some people lately have suggested that those healthy brands of toothpaste that they sell at Trader Joes and Whole Foods might be actually worse for you than the regular old Crest or Colgate minty fresh brands. But those people are wrong.  In fact, everything you thought…

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People who eat organic 25% more likely to be annoying pains in the ass.

People who eat organic 25% more likely to be annoying pains in the ass.

According to a French study, 25% of people who eat organic food are likely to be high maintenance, complain a lot, be dissatisfied, miserable, etcetera. Some scientists have disputed the findings. “French people are annoying anyway,” says Biologist Peter Torke.  “So we can’t trust this study.” The scientist behind the original study, though, claims they…

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How’s Canada Feeling Today?

How’s Canada Feeling Today?

Pretty good. I mean, a snack would be awesome. I do have cotton mouth. Could I get a water? I mean, I’m feeling pretty chill. This music is good. I’m a little paranoid. Wait. Are you guys making fun of me?

Justin Bieber Feels “Confused” by Selena Gomez

Justin Bieber Feels “Confused” by Selena Gomez

I mean, let’s face it. It is a little creepy. A guy gets married. And all of a sudden his ex-girlfriend goes into a mental hospital for depression. “I feel really confused,” said Justin. “I mean, one minute I was having the happiest experience of my life, rainbows and unicorns. Now it’s all kind of…

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Farms Worse for Environment than Factories –Where’s the Outrage?

Farms Worse for Environment than Factories –Where’s the Outrage?

This week it came out that farms are worse than factories – for the environment, that is.  The four major food producing firms produce more greenhouse gas than all factories combined. Shove that in your Prius and smoke it, Granola-breath. Where are the pitchforks?  One would think we’d have an angry mob organized by now,…

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Why We Need Hourly Updates on Hurricane Death Tolls

Why We Need Hourly Updates on Hurricane Death Tolls

Why We Need Hourly Updates on Hurricane Death Tolls Because…in a democracy it’s important that the citizenry remain informed, in order that…. Ah, who are we kidding? It’s not because of that. Blood leads, they used to say in the newspaper game when I was a young reporter. Why? Because of something called morbid curiosity.…

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The Five Best Things to Do in LA this Weekend

The Five Best Things to Do in LA this Weekend

1. Stay home and binge watch something awesome on Netflix. 2. Stay home and watch foreign films on Amazon– I recommend Amor, awesome, so awesome. 3. Stay home and go down an internet rabbithole. Enter “MK Ultra” in google and see where it leads you.  4. Stay home and organize a closet. 5.  Oh wait! WTF! …

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Non-Traditional Auto Mechanics

Non-Traditional Auto Mechanics

Is your car acting up?  Are you tired of traditional western mechanics, with their all too predictable oil change and brake job?  Maybe your car could benefit from a non-traditional modality of car treatment. Edward Hall opened his car-acupuncture clinic in East Hollywood a few months ago and the business has been brisk.  Clients can…

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Does Tattoo Ink Cause Parkinson’s Disease

Does Tattoo Ink Cause Parkinson’s Disease

Tattoos are more popular than ever, as both a fashion statement and a declaration of modern paganism, tribalism, or plain barbarism.  But how safe are those tattoos?  Before you commit to writing your current girlfriend or boyfriend’s name on your arm, you might consider the dangers.  You have to assess the risk for yourself.  There…

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