According to a French study, 25% of people who eat organic food are likely to be high maintenance, complain a lot, be dissatisfied, miserable, etcetera. Some scientists have disputed the findings. “French people are annoying anyway,” says Biologist Peter Torke. “So we can’t trust this study.” The scientist behind the original study, though, claims they…
It’s very hard to be a rock star. The touring is a real grind. And then the drinking is tough, and so are the drugs. And people take photos of you wherever you go, even at the grocery store or in drag bars. And also, then your fucking girlfriend becomes a bigger star than you…
California, Oregon, Washington become the low hanging penis of Canada on the West, and New England becomes its undescended testicle, eh? Go Mapleleafs! Please follow and like us:
Congratulations on your appointment with the Saudi Arabian embassy. Here are a few things to keep in mind. While we are quite happy to have you visit us, failure to comply with rules may result in your being politely asked to leave the embassy or dismembered in a conference room while you are still…
Pretty good. I mean, a snack would be awesome. I do have cotton mouth. Could I get a water? I mean, I’m feeling pretty chill. This music is good. I’m a little paranoid. Wait. Are you guys making fun of me? Please follow and like us:
I mean, let’s face it. It is a little creepy. A guy gets married. And all of a sudden his ex-girlfriend goes into a mental hospital for depression. “I feel really confused,” said Justin. “I mean, one minute I was having the happiest experience of my life, rainbows and unicorns. Now it’s all kind of…
This week it came out that farms are worse than factories – for the environment, that is. The four major food producing firms produce more greenhouse gas than all factories combined. Shove that in your Prius and smoke it, Granola-breath. Where are the pitchforks? One would think we’d have an angry mob organized by now,…
Why We Need Hourly Updates on Hurricane Death Tolls Because…in a democracy it’s important that the citizenry remain informed, in order that…. Ah, who are we kidding? It’s not because of that. Blood leads, they used to say in the newspaper game when I was a young reporter. Why? Because of something called morbid curiosity.…
1. Stay home and binge watch something awesome on Netflix. 2. Stay home and watch foreign films on Amazon– I recommend Amor, awesome, so awesome. 3. Stay home and go down an internet rabbithole. Enter “MK Ultra” in google and see where it leads you. 4. Stay home and organize a closet. 5. Oh wait! WTF! …
Is your car acting up? Are you tired of traditional western mechanics, with their all too predictable oil change and brake job? Maybe your car could benefit from a non-traditional modality of car treatment. Edward Hall opened his car-acupuncture clinic in East Hollywood a few months ago and the business has been brisk. Clients can…
Tattoos are more popular than ever, as both a fashion statement and a declaration of modern paganism, tribalism, or plain barbarism. But how safe are those tattoos? Before you commit to writing your current girlfriend or boyfriend’s name on your arm, you might consider the dangers. You have to assess the risk for yourself. There…
Erotic Retelling of the Wooing of Etain by Colt Stevens Dedicated to my darling wife, who is my Etain and my goddess. Chapter One (in which a great God fucks a river Goddess while her husband is out) Our story begins with the birth of Aengus Mac Od, the young born, the fastest born, the…
“boy and girl having pillow fight” by Allen Taylor on Unsplash “But he started it,” whined the one Child. “No, I didn’t,” claimed the other. “You did!” “I don’t care who started it,” said the Media, trying to concentrate on the road. “Why is it that every time we get in the car you two…
ELON: Hello, this is Elon. ME: Hi, Elon. ELON: You again. I read your blog. Not bad. ME: Thanks. ELON: I’d appreciate it if you took down the two articles about me, though. ME: OK, whatever you want, Elon. ELON: Yeah, they’re not real. I never said any of those things. So, if you could…
See Part One Here and Part Two Here “We’re very sorry about this,” said the Sextech technician. “You should have no further problems with your unit.” Finally, I got the company to come out to the house and repair Anita. They told me that there had been a number of episodes of this kind where…
There can be no doubt about it — this week with the Supreme Court nominee revealed as just another pervy male, it is not good times for men. The gender I’m so proud of has really let me down. I’m totally ashamed, and I have to admit, women would be justified in eliminating us. …
Yes, I know, I’m just a dumb writer and this is just another dumb intro to another dumb article you’re wasting your life reading but guess what? If you stick with it, you will find the truth about _________. I write ______ because that’s how dangerous my ideas are. If I wrote out the name of…
by Christina Stevens I was instantly interested. I had never met anyone in Los Angeles who had even heard of the great late French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan. But at a party in West Hollywood, he said that my comment was very Lacanian. “Lacan himself couldn’t utter his entire theory,” I claimed. “Because he said the…
By Serena Williams Thanks a lot Martina Navratilova, for shaming me and marginalizing me even more than I was already marginalized. Guess what, you can’t hurt me. What marginalizes me only makes me stronger. For those that don’t know, the ugly old tennis player from Czechoslovakia (A country that doesn’t even exist by…
Billy Jean King and other major voices are coming to tennis star Serena Williams’ defense today after the unfortunate incident at the US Open. “She had every right to hit that umpire’s knee with a hammer,” said King. “When women lash out with physical violence it’s considered hysteria. But when men do it, it’s considered…