Category: A great place to waste half an hour.

Marvin Gaye Heirs Sue Ed Sheeran for Saying “Let’s Get It On” to his Wife on Wedding Night

Marvin Gaye Heirs Sue Ed Sheeran for Saying “Let’s Get It On” to his Wife on Wedding Night

Mr. Sheeran’s spokesperson has stated that the ginger singer was not referring to the Marvin Gaye single, he was referring to the actual sex act. However, Marvin Gaye’s family says they are owed one hundred million dollars as Ed apparently “Used a black-sounding Marvin Gaye type voice when he said it to his new wife,…

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Three Six Word Novels (well, almost)

Three Six Word Novels (well, almost)

NOVEL ONE  – (ANGRY YOUNG MAN FICTION) Fuck your Never worn baby shoes I ain’t buyin em. (But if you are giving them away for free text me)   NOVEL TWO (DARK COMEDY) I would like To return the never worn baby shoes I bought from you. My baby died. (these shoes are fucking cursed)…

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Pole Vaulter Detained for Two Weeks After Accidentally Pole Vaulting From Canada Across the Border into US

Pole Vaulter Detained for Two Weeks After Accidentally Pole Vaulting From Canada Across the Border into US

“I never dreamed I could pole vault that far,” said French Pole Vaulter Justine Cercara.  She was practicing pole vaulting in Vancouver, Canada, when, as she puts it, “I really corked one.” Ms. Cercara vaulted herself miles into the air, in a southern direction, and soon found herself flying across the border into the state…

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The Filthy Little Red Hen

The Filthy Little Red Hen

by Simon Black There was once a little red hen who wanted help planting her wheat seed so she asked our president. “Sure, little red hen, I’ll help ya,” said our president.  “But first, I’ll have to see your papers.” “Papers?” said the little red hen.  She didn’t know what those were. “Your citizenship papers,”…

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Einstein Proven Right after Theory of General Relativity Confirmed to Work on Distant Racial Stereotypes

Einstein Proven Right after Theory of General Relativity Confirmed to Work on Distant Racial Stereotypes

Albert Einstein’s ostensibly racist observations that were recently unearthed in his private travel diary written in 1922 have been proven to be relatively unracist compared to your own racist thoughts. Yes, it’s true, he didn’t much seem to like the Chinese, whom he thought had too many children and appeared “spiritless and obtuse.” However, using…

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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Kicked out of Fat Acceptance Group

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Kicked out of Fat Acceptance Group

“We do accept all fat people, and we accept ourselves for being fat,” said Maureen O’Rourke, leader of the Virginia Chapter of Fat Acceptance America.  “However, we felt we needed to pile on and kick Sanders out, now that she’s been thrown out of that restaurant.  We’re worried that if she continues to get kicked…

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Hello Amazon Customer Donald J. Trump

Hello Amazon Customer Donald J. Trump

Here are personalized recommendations for you based on items you purchased or reviewed. Click here to see why these items were recommended. Building Your Own Wall: Illustrated Instructions And Plans For Indoor And Outdoor Walls (How To Build Series) Dec 4, 2012 by Steve Lage Paperback Women’s crotchless panties, size extra large.  Justgoo Womens Open Crotch…

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OUT OF OFFICE REPLY – DOWN IN THE DINGLE

OUT OF OFFICE REPLY – DOWN IN THE DINGLE

OUT OF OFFICE REPLY – DOWN IN THE DINGLE Sorry, we are currently away from the Dingle on summer vacation.  We will return in a few days.  In the mean time, please take a look at our top five out of office replies that we received from you all, thank you, keep up the great…

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Ninja Assassins Attack House Proud Californians

Ninja Assassins Attack House Proud Californians

They attack in broad daylight, armed with nunchucks, ninja swords, stars, daggers, knuckle dusters and  chain mail – oh, and digital sound recorders.  These are the last words of their victims, all of whom were spotted in West Coast lifestyle, living and design magazines and websites, discussing their lovely redesigned homes and gardens.  “Each room…

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Genius Analyst Warns of Impending Catastrophe

Genius Analyst Warns of Impending Catastrophe

The analyst behind a Wall Street Think Tank that predicted some of the most catastrophic and surprising events of the past half-century is now 100 percent sure that we are doomed. No, he’s not a psychic or a fortune teller.  He’s just a really smart fellow, who attended Harvard and at the Sorbonne in Paris,…

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We partner with HQ for hugest contest ever

We partner with HQ for hugest contest ever

“Hello everyone, welcome to HQ, your favorite trivia mobile app.  It’s Scott Rogowsky here, your quiz maestro.  Tonight we’re partnering with website Down in the Dingle Dot Com for an extra special jackpot which…” (signal lags, host returns mid-sentence) “…over there.  So let’ get started.  Question one.  Qumero, numero uno! What do humans breathe?  Is…

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The Ghost of Charles Bukowski Returns to His Old Haunts in New Hollywood

The Ghost of Charles Bukowski Returns to His Old Haunts in New Hollywood

(thanks Terrence Edwards) He is the same pockmarked, beer-bellied Bukowski, in an unbuttoned shirt and wearing Bermuda shorts, black socks and old sneakers. Only now he’s a ghost, so you can see through him a little bit. The ghost looks around, confused. Things have changed somewhat. Above him is a Panera Bread sign. The logo…

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New Folgers Coffee Bars – Coming Soon to Your Fancy Neighborhood

New Folgers Coffee Bars – Coming Soon to Your Fancy Neighborhood

(from corporate board minutes, Feb. 2018) CEO presented the idea for opening Starbucks-style coffee bars all over the US and Canada serving our Folgers coffee.  The potential upside is estimated to be 200-500 million dollars yearly revenue.  Downside is the construction costs and real estate. CFO objected that we’ve never been in the construction or…

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“God Bless You” – American as A Second Language #14

“God Bless You” – American as A Second Language #14

Hi, Dr. Yankinnit here.  This is the fourteenth installment of our ASL online lessons.  Thank you for sticking with us.  This week is going to be an especially interesting and maybe difficult lesson.  Be warned – American  doesn’t make sense a lot of the time.  Just be patient and you will get it. So you…

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Dear Manny the Mansplainer

Dear Manny the Mansplainer

Hi folks.  I was so good at mansplaining things to my lovely wife Delores that she suggested I write a weekly advice column where I take questions from the little ladies and mansplain the answers to them.  Here we are in week 66 and it’s been a lot of fun.  This week I got some…

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A Secret About a Celebrity

A Secret About a Celebrity

Don’t you want to know this very interesting tidbit about this celebrity and his or her fascinating life?  I am sure you never knew this about this celebrity.  Therefore I have prepared a slide show for you.  Each slide that loads up on your internet page will come with a host of ads that will…

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Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day!

Amazing behaviors of mothers in natural world We know human mothers are amazing—we certainly wouldn’t be here without ‘em!  But on this Mother’s Day, we thought it appropriate to take a look at some of the amazing mothers in the natural world, who also demonstrate the qualities of courage, sacrifice, grace and compassion.  These come…

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There is no “Stuck” in Traffic

There is no “Stuck” in Traffic

by Simon Black I used to get really frustrated driving around Los Angeles.  Not any more.  I figured out the secret to enjoying driving in heavy traffic.  It’s all in your mind.  For instance, you might think you’re stuck in traffic on the freeway.  But observe your speedometer.  You might be going 20 mph.  That’s…

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This Man Won the Lottery 9 Times – And For Some Reason Wants to Give You His Secret

This Man Won the Lottery 9 Times – And For Some Reason Wants to Give You His Secret

I know it seems hard to believe, but this mathematician and genius, Dr. Peter Fontana, Phd., figured out that people have been playing the lottery completely wrong all these years.  Using simple mathematical principles that any sixth grader could understand, this genius made millions and millions of dollars from various lottery jackpots all over America. …

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The Four Bodily Humors – Awesome Heroes for this Advanced/Backward Age

The Four Bodily Humors – Awesome Heroes for this Advanced/Backward Age

By Simon Black (with thanks to Terence Edwards) It’s very exciting how the advanced technology of Hollywood has mixed with the most primitive nonsense mankind has ever dreamed up, isn’t it?   I sit eating my popcorn agog at the special effects created by these scientists, programmers and robotics experts and I feel that I am…

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Funniest Mistake Texts

Funniest Mistake Texts

Funniest mistaken text messages contest results. Thanks everybody.  We received thousands of entries, all of which were hilarious, showing us the perils of the digital communication age.  Sometimes you hit send before you check you you’re sending it to.  These are the funniest ones with their responses once the sender realized the error. Fifth Place,…

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World’s Oldest Spider Looks Back at Life at 43

World’s Oldest Spider Looks Back at Life at 43

It’s been good to me, there’s no doubt about that.  I had more than thirty thousand children and grandchildren and all the rest.  It’s been quite a time up here on the rafters of this barn.  I got nothing to complain about in this life. Except that damn pig. I don’t know if you heard…

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Free Stuff!

Free Stuff!

It’s the Funny Free Stuff Section – please feel free to contribute one below!   (Thanks Terence Edwards) Free LA Country Thomas Guide Street Atlas (LA County) I just found out about this thing called Google maps, so awesome! Free fish tank and supplies (Hesperia) He looked at me funny, what can I say.  I showed…

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Outer Space is Boring

Outer Space is Boring

Can’t believe I fell for it again!  This is undoubtedly the thousandth time I’ve taken the bait.  An amazing link about some incredible thing in outer space.  Some super great discovery about some galactic something or other.  Some incredible telescope image or some images sent back from some satellite or orbiter.  Alright, let’s face it. …

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Things The Mouth Is For

Things The Mouth Is For

Making baby noises and then later… Talking in a baby voice and then later… Talking in a grown up voice and then later… Talking in an old man voice and then…  Rattling and then finally… Remaining mum for the rest of time.   Giving birth to a river. Giving resuscitation to another mouth, hopefully never…

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57th Anniversary Today! 

57th Anniversary Today! 

The Dingle was founded on April 19, 1961.  Of course, there was no internet back then.  But our first installment of Dinglish humor was “posted” on that day.  Who remembers?  I do! April 19, 1961. BIRTH Holy Shit!  What the fuck!  Where the hell am I?  And what the hell just happened?  I feel like…

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Hollywood Legends NextDoor

Hollywood Legends NextDoor

Marilyn Monroe Helena Drive, April 15 Having trouble sleeping tonight.  I feel like a candle in the wind. Posted 13h ago in General 8 Thanks – 34 Replies Elton John, 8h ago, Santa Monica Blvd. Try laying off the speed you stupid cow. Tom Cruise, 8h ago, Fountain Ave Anybody know how to get a jar…

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Crappy Van Gogh Poster

Crappy Van Gogh Poster

(To the Tune of “Vincent”, by Don McLean) Starry starry night Poster frame of blue and grey I saw at a yard sale today Who would buy that? I really want to know? Shadows on the porch Some golf clubs and a tiki torch Some dirty jeans and women’s shorts A print by Escher and…

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New Amazon In-home Delivery Service Now Delivers Vibrators Straight to Your Underwear Drawer.

New Amazon In-home Delivery Service Now Delivers Vibrators Straight to Your Underwear Drawer.

Amazon is introducing several new in home delivery services that work with five different smart lock brands to allow access to Amazon delivery men. For users of the sex toy delivery service, the delivery man will place the device in any part of the home or body specified by the customer. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos…

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Does Your Friends’ Not Drinking Bother You? New Support Group Forming

Does Your Friends’ Not Drinking Bother You? New Support Group Forming

Sobernon is a support group for people whose friends have stopped drinking and become super boring. A lot of us are really bothered by our friends’ recoveries.  We just don’t say anything.  And we pretend to still enjoy hanging out with them, sipping sparkling water or meeting for a coffee.  Or sometimes we drink a…

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Yelp for People – Starting Today

Yelp for People – Starting Today

Do you remember that woman was going to start an online service where you rate your friends a la Yelp restaurant reviews?  There was a big public outcry and I don’t think it ever started. So I’m starting it today. And here is the first review. My Co-Worker Marcy.  Zero stars. (Imagine there’s a little…

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Herman Munster Not A Suspect — Correction

Herman Munster Not A Suspect — Correction

Correction — the Dingle erroneously reported today that Herman Munster was a suspect in the recent truck attack in Muenster, Germany. Herman Munster was not in the country at the time of the attack and should not have been named. Lilly Munster also is not considered a suspect, although police do not know if she…

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My Hybrid Identity

My Hybrid Identity

  I was split between two worlds.  When my family moved to Upstate New York it was all so new and strange to me, since I had been born in Northern New Jersey.  The Upstate New Yorker’s had their own language.  They called the soft drink “pop” but back in New Jersey we called it…

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This Person’s  Addiction Memoir

This Person’s  Addiction Memoir

This is a story of heroism.  I know most hero stories involve people trying to help others, like firemen or soldiers or great leaders.  People who took great risks in order to better society.  Not this one.  This addiction memoir tells the story of a person whose only claim to fame was their sorry addiction…

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Are you overly earnest? Take our quiz

Are you overly earnest? Take our quiz

1) You want the world to be better because a) Your wings are made of silk    b) you are an activist   c) you are a thought leader   d) the world’s not reaching up to your standards 2) You want people to be nicer and to care more because a) Your soul is pure white…

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I, the Devil, Agree with Pope Francis

I, the Devil, Agree with Pope Francis

Yes, I am in complete agreement with the Pope’s latest pronouncement, that there is no hell, and that those who die in sin merely disappear, while those good souls join God and Jesus in heaven. Finally somebody with the nerve to speak the truth!  There is no hell.  There is no eternal fire.  I do…

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Help me identify these lists.

Help me identify these lists.

I found two lists, not sure what they are.  Any help appreciated. List 1 Logan Wyatt Roman Josh Jake C.   Jake W.   Jake D.   Jake J. Zach Tanner Cooper Jack Max D. Max F. Max J. Max D.-F.   Cody Owen Austin Ethan Lucas Luke Tanner Tyler Is this list: A list of cowboys who have…

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The Girl in the Window on the Train is Gone

The Girl in the Window on the Train is Gone

If you liked Gone Girl and The Girl on the Train and The Woman in the Window you are going to love The Girl in the Window on the Train is Gone. This thriller with a fascinatingly flawed female protagonist is entirely original, but similar enough to those other successful female thrillers that you will love…

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How We See Each Other

How We See Each Other

If a neurologist could somehow insert a camera  deep into the human brain and show us on a primal level how we perceive one another, we would be quite surprised.  We actually don’t see each other as people at all.  The unconscious brain is not sophisticated enough to group its imagery under a coherent category…

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The Most Attractive Mug shots of All Time

The Most Attractive Mug shots of All Time

Click on the link below to see some of the most attractive mug shots that have ever been taken.  Who knew that a mug shot could be this sexy and smokey and alluring and really hot?  Well, we all knew that a mug shot could be hot.  It is either hot or cold or lukewarm. …

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Schlitterbahn water park CEO says the rides are safe

Schlitterbahn water park CEO says the rides are safe

Schlitterbahn water park CEO says the rides are safe and that people who are afraid to come there are just pussies. “Just because a kid was decapitated on one of our most popular rides,” said new park CEO Herman Godfrey, “Some wimpy cry babies are saying our park is dangerous.” The Kansas amusement park is…

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Disturbing Graphic Video Released

Disturbing Graphic Video Released

I mean its really horrible. I don’t know why anyone would want to watch it. It’s the kind of thing you can unsee. But first we have a brief advertisement selling sweatshirts. Then you will be warned once again about the disturbing nature of the video and you will have to swear that you are…

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Posting this For Our Nanny

Posting this For Our Nanny

Our beloved Nanny Rosanna is no longer needed, as our youngest Quincy has started pre-k classes – I know, sob!   We consider Rosanna almost one of the family and it is so sad to think of her being unemployed not that we’re giving her the boot, so we want her to find a new family…

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Driverless Car Awarded Ten Points

Driverless Car Awarded Ten Points

In a secret competition that AI-driven robot cars have started amongst themselves, the car that struck and killed a pedestrian in Arizona was only awarded ten points because, as a robot-driven Prius commented yesterday, “It was an old person, which is minus five points, but the driverless car gets a five points bonus because it…

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Stephen Hawking Astounded at Pearly Gates

Stephen Hawking Astounded at Pearly Gates

“Color me surprised,” said the genius physicist at the golden gates of heaven today as St. Peter approached him with a clipboard. “Yes, Professor Hawking,” said Peter.  ”You were wrong about almost everything.” “Black holes?” “Black holes are the least of your worries,” chuckled St. Peter, glancing at the clipboard.  “In this file here we…

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I’m Hiding from My City

I’m Hiding from My City

Everything that seems so great about my city is really very harmful The restaurants so fun, fattening me up for my first heart attack The bars so steam punk and sourced wood, make my alcoholism seem clever The weed emporiums so pungent, sap my motivation The new shops sustainable and running up my credit card…

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Man names himself president for life of his neighborhood association

Man names himself president for life of his neighborhood association

To the great consternation of his neighbors, Glen Frybrook named himself supreme leader  of Greenwood Square neighborhood in the Maplewood section of the city today.  “This was unexpected and unprecendented,” complained one resident, Martha Graham, of the decree which was posted on the flyer placed in the mailbox of many homes in Greenwood Square. “I’m…

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My dog explains what happened before the big bang

My dog explains what happened before the big bang

There was nothing.  Just one infinitesimally small dog biscuit, the size of one atom.  This dog biscuit, ironically, was a brand that I don’t even like – Milkbone.  I think they have a funny aftertaste.  And they are shaped like a bone, which is, frankly, patronizing.  Dog owners, we know it’s not a bone, ok? …

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Rules of Curling Explained

Rules of Curling Explained

A team has a round pot that has either stewed meats or a tofu broth.  The object is to slide that stewpot down the ice to their neighbors who are less fortunate and can’t afford to eat. Also, the neighbors are neat freaks.  They worry that the pot might mess up their house, so to…

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Conversations with My Dog #37

Conversations with My Dog #37

ME:  Come here boy. MAC:  What’s up? ME:  What’s the difference between a man and an ape? MAC:  Hmmm, I think there are some genetic differences, no? ME:  I guess so.  But even if we have some different genes, I mean, aren’t we basically apes? MAC:  What’s brought this on? ME:  I went to the…

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TWO TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS TERRORIZE TONY NEIGHBORHOOD

TWO TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS TERRORIZE TONY NEIGHBORHOOD

(as seen on NextDoor, the neighborhood social network app) CESAR BIDOUX– Plymouth Blvd.  2 d. ago. Two girls, about 10 years of age came to my house saying house is pretty would you let me visit the house inside.  I said no.  They left, a black car with no plates was waiting about two houses north,…

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My Phone Call with Elon Musk

My Phone Call with Elon Musk

Elon Musk:  This is Elon.
Me:  Hello.  This is Josh.
Elon Musk:  How’s it going.
Me:  Pretty good.  I’m driving home from Santa Monica.  I had to go out there to pick up some books that were being bound.  But they were all falling apart so

Fortuitous Missed Connections #12

Fortuitous Missed Connections #12

You were the f-boy at the club hoping to hook up with some hottie to rail. I was the overly attached female at the bar sipping chardonnay through a straw.  I didn’t look up and catch your eye when you came up to order your pretentious cocktail.   I totally didn’t see you and I guess…

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These five stocks could be the next Amazon.com

These five stocks could be the next Amazon.com

Dealio.com (DLLOO)  This company offers special deals and apps that go ding and sometimes they call you up in the middle of the night on your land line and hang up but most often they possess the bodies of friends you meet in the bar who say what’s the dealio and I would strongly recommend…

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It’s not about guns, Helen!

It’s not about guns, Helen!

Helen: There is a shooter on campus. I am
not joking. Call 911 please. Send them to the
high school.
Kate: Damnnn girl.  Too soon.
Helen: It’s not a joke.  It must be a copy cat killer.
They’re shooting through the walls of the classroom.
Idk if you are getting this message.