Category: Humors

57th Anniversary Today! 

57th Anniversary Today! 

The Dingle was founded on April 19, 1961.  Of course, there was no internet back then.  But our first installment of Dinglish humor was “posted” on that day.  Who remembers?  I do! April 19, 1961. BIRTH Holy Shit!  What the fuck!  Where the hell am I?  And what the hell just happened?  I feel like…

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Hollywood Legends NextDoor

Hollywood Legends NextDoor

Marilyn Monroe Helena Drive, April 15 Having trouble sleeping tonight.  I feel like a candle in the wind. Posted 13h ago in General 8 Thanks – 34 Replies Elton John, 8h ago, Santa Monica Blvd. Try laying off the speed you stupid cow. Tom Cruise, 8h ago, Fountain Ave Anybody know how to get a jar…

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Crappy Van Gogh Poster

Crappy Van Gogh Poster

(To the Tune of “Vincent”, by Don McLean) Starry starry night Poster frame of blue and grey I saw at a yard sale today Who would buy that? I really want to know? Shadows on the porch Some golf clubs and a tiki torch Some dirty jeans and women’s shorts A print by Escher and…

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New Amazon In-home Delivery Service Now Delivers Vibrators Straight to Your Underwear Drawer.

New Amazon In-home Delivery Service Now Delivers Vibrators Straight to Your Underwear Drawer.

Amazon is introducing several new in home delivery services that work with five different smart lock brands to allow access to Amazon delivery men. For users of the sex toy delivery service, the delivery man will place the device in any part of the home or body specified by the customer. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos…

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Does Your Friends’ Not Drinking Bother You? New Support Group Forming

Does Your Friends’ Not Drinking Bother You? New Support Group Forming

Sobernon is a support group for people whose friends have stopped drinking and become super boring. A lot of us are really bothered by our friends’ recoveries.  We just don’t say anything.  And we pretend to still enjoy hanging out with them, sipping sparkling water or meeting for a coffee.  Or sometimes we drink a…

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Yelp for People – Starting Today

Yelp for People – Starting Today

Do you remember that woman was going to start an online service where you rate your friends a la Yelp restaurant reviews?  There was a big public outcry and I don’t think it ever started. So I’m starting it today. And here is the first review. My Co-Worker Marcy.  Zero stars. (Imagine there’s a little…

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Herman Munster Not A Suspect — Correction

Herman Munster Not A Suspect — Correction

Correction — the Dingle erroneously reported today that Herman Munster was a suspect in the recent truck attack in Muenster, Germany. Herman Munster was not in the country at the time of the attack and should not have been named. Lilly Munster also is not considered a suspect, although police do not know if she…

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My Hybrid Identity

My Hybrid Identity

  I was split between two worlds.  When my family moved to Upstate New York it was all so new and strange to me, since I had been born in Northern New Jersey.  The Upstate New Yorker’s had their own language.  They called the soft drink “pop” but back in New Jersey we called it…

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This Person’s  Addiction Memoir

This Person’s  Addiction Memoir

This is a story of heroism.  I know most hero stories involve people trying to help others, like firemen or soldiers or great leaders.  People who took great risks in order to better society.  Not this one.  This addiction memoir tells the story of a person whose only claim to fame was their sorry addiction…

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Are you overly earnest? Take our quiz

Are you overly earnest? Take our quiz

1) You want the world to be better because a) Your wings are made of silk    b) you are an activist   c) you are a thought leader   d) the world’s not reaching up to your standards 2) You want people to be nicer and to care more because a) Your soul is pure white…

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I, the Devil, Agree with Pope Francis

I, the Devil, Agree with Pope Francis

Yes, I am in complete agreement with the Pope’s latest pronouncement, that there is no hell, and that those who die in sin merely disappear, while those good souls join God and Jesus in heaven. Finally somebody with the nerve to speak the truth!  There is no hell.  There is no eternal fire.  I do…

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Help me identify these lists.

Help me identify these lists.

I found two lists, not sure what they are.  Any help appreciated. List 1 Logan Wyatt Roman Josh Jake C.   Jake W.   Jake D.   Jake J. Zach Tanner Cooper Jack Max D. Max F. Max J. Max D.-F.   Cody Owen Austin Ethan Lucas Luke Tanner Tyler Is this list: A list of cowboys who have…

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The Girl in the Window on the Train is Gone

The Girl in the Window on the Train is Gone

If you liked Gone Girl and The Girl on the Train and The Woman in the Window you are going to love The Girl in the Window on the Train is Gone. This thriller with a fascinatingly flawed female protagonist is entirely original, but similar enough to those other successful female thrillers that you will love…

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How We See Each Other

How We See Each Other

If a neurologist could somehow insert a camera  deep into the human brain and show us on a primal level how we perceive one another, we would be quite surprised.  We actually don’t see each other as people at all.  The unconscious brain is not sophisticated enough to group its imagery under a coherent category…

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The Most Attractive Mug shots of All Time

The Most Attractive Mug shots of All Time

Click on the link below to see some of the most attractive mug shots that have ever been taken.  Who knew that a mug shot could be this sexy and smokey and alluring and really hot?  Well, we all knew that a mug shot could be hot.  It is either hot or cold or lukewarm. …

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Schlitterbahn water park CEO says the rides are safe

Schlitterbahn water park CEO says the rides are safe

Schlitterbahn water park CEO says the rides are safe and that people who are afraid to come there are just pussies. “Just because a kid was decapitated on one of our most popular rides,” said new park CEO Herman Godfrey, “Some wimpy cry babies are saying our park is dangerous.” The Kansas amusement park is…

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Disturbing Graphic Video Released

Disturbing Graphic Video Released

I mean its really horrible. I don’t know why anyone would want to watch it. It’s the kind of thing you can unsee. But first we have a brief advertisement selling sweatshirts. Then you will be warned once again about the disturbing nature of the video and you will have to swear that you are…

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Posting this For Our Nanny

Posting this For Our Nanny

Our beloved Nanny Rosanna is no longer needed, as our youngest Quincy has started pre-k classes – I know, sob!   We consider Rosanna almost one of the family and it is so sad to think of her being unemployed not that we’re giving her the boot, so we want her to find a new family…

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Driverless Car Awarded Ten Points

Driverless Car Awarded Ten Points

In a secret competition that AI-driven robot cars have started amongst themselves, the car that struck and killed a pedestrian in Arizona was only awarded ten points because, as a robot-driven Prius commented yesterday, “It was an old person, which is minus five points, but the driverless car gets a five points bonus because it…

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Stephen Hawking Astounded at Pearly Gates

Stephen Hawking Astounded at Pearly Gates

“Color me surprised,” said the genius physicist at the golden gates of heaven today as St. Peter approached him with a clipboard. “Yes, Professor Hawking,” said Peter.  ”You were wrong about almost everything.” “Black holes?” “Black holes are the least of your worries,” chuckled St. Peter, glancing at the clipboard.  “In this file here we…

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Man names himself president for life of his neighborhood association

Man names himself president for life of his neighborhood association

To the great consternation of his neighbors, Glen Frybrook named himself supreme leader  of Greenwood Square neighborhood in the Maplewood section of the city today.  “This was unexpected and unprecendented,” complained one resident, Martha Graham, of the decree which was posted on the flyer placed in the mailbox of many homes in Greenwood Square. “I’m…

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My dog explains what happened before the big bang

My dog explains what happened before the big bang

There was nothing.  Just one infinitesimally small dog biscuit, the size of one atom.  This dog biscuit, ironically, was a brand that I don’t even like – Milkbone.  I think they have a funny aftertaste.  And they are shaped like a bone, which is, frankly, patronizing.  Dog owners, we know it’s not a bone, ok? …

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Rules of Curling Explained

Rules of Curling Explained

A team has a round pot that has either stewed meats or a tofu broth.  The object is to slide that stewpot down the ice to their neighbors who are less fortunate and can’t afford to eat. Also, the neighbors are neat freaks.  They worry that the pot might mess up their house, so to…

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Conversations with My Dog #37

Conversations with My Dog #37

ME:  Come here boy. MAC:  What’s up? ME:  What’s the difference between a man and an ape? MAC:  Hmmm, I think there are some genetic differences, no? ME:  I guess so.  But even if we have some different genes, I mean, aren’t we basically apes? MAC:  What’s brought this on? ME:  I went to the…

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TWO TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS TERRORIZE TONY NEIGHBORHOOD

TWO TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRLS TERRORIZE TONY NEIGHBORHOOD

(as seen on NextDoor, the neighborhood social network app) CESAR BIDOUX– Plymouth Blvd.  2 d. ago. Two girls, about 10 years of age came to my house saying house is pretty would you let me visit the house inside.  I said no.  They left, a black car with no plates was waiting about two houses north,…

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My Phone Call with Elon Musk

My Phone Call with Elon Musk

Elon Musk:  This is Elon.
Me:  Hello.  This is Josh.
Elon Musk:  How’s it going.
Me:  Pretty good.  I’m driving home from Santa Monica.  I had to go out there to pick up some books that were being bound.  But they were all falling apart so

Fortuitous Missed Connections #12

Fortuitous Missed Connections #12

You were the f-boy at the club hoping to hook up with some hottie to rail. I was the overly attached female at the bar sipping chardonnay through a straw.  I didn’t look up and catch your eye when you came up to order your pretentious cocktail.   I totally didn’t see you and I guess…

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These five stocks could be the next Amazon.com

These five stocks could be the next Amazon.com

Dealio.com (DLLOO)  This company offers special deals and apps that go ding and sometimes they call you up in the middle of the night on your land line and hang up but most often they possess the bodies of friends you meet in the bar who say what’s the dealio and I would strongly recommend…

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It’s not about guns, Helen!

It’s not about guns, Helen!

Helen: There is a shooter on campus. I am
not joking. Call 911 please. Send them to the
high school.
Kate: Damnnn girl.  Too soon.
Helen: It’s not a joke.  It must be a copy cat killer.
They’re shooting through the walls of the classroom.
Idk if you are getting this message.