Quiet, average-seeming guy horrified at yet another description

Quiet, average-seeming guy horrified at yet another description

 
 

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Local man Eric, 24, who has always been quiet, keeps to himself a lot of the time and doesn’t really know a lot of his neighbors, was horrified earlier today at yet another description of a murderer and serial killer.

“It’s true, I’m quiet. I don’t go in for a lot of small talk. I have a few friends, but if I had to tell the truth, I am a bit of a loner.”

While Eric has never felt the desire to go on a killing spree, he is worried that the urges might come later.

“Like maybe one day I’ll wake up and I’ll go get a gun or start writing a manifesto or something,” he said. “I mean, can it be a coincidence that like these crazy killers I am a very private and solitary individual?”

And another thing — Eric is Caucasian.

“I’m white. In my early 20s. And I’m male. I could probably snap at any time…”

As a result of the growing stigma against quiet types, Eric is considering becoming more social and extroverted.

“I’ve got to get out more,” he said to the mirror. “People are going to get suspicious. I saw a flyer for an improv class. That could be good. Or maybe I’ll join a male singing chorus. Or volunteer to be a docent at the zoo. I like monkeys.”

But if he were going to write a manifesto, what would it be? Eric is puzzled about that — since he’s not angry or bitter about anything.

“The only thing I’m angry about is that all these killers have given introverted, shy guys like me a bad name. I mean, it’s like people are starting to cross over to the other side of the street when I come by.”

Eric is not the only quiet white male feeling this way. Self-appointed expert, amateur psychologist and deep thinker Edgar Summers has been studying the phenomenon from his parents’ basement for the last twenty minutes on line.

“It seems that quiet has gone from being a compliment about a respectful, well-behaved young man to being a warning for people to run like hell,” said Summers, who is also quiet.

“I don’t have a lot of friends either,” he admitted. “I should call up this Eric guy. Can I have his number?”

This writer was prevented by professional ethics from shipping these two, but he does hope that they hook up somehow, and that all quiet people realize that we don’t fear them. In fact, we appreciate them. There are enough loud mouths in the world.

I suppose I’m quiet too. A lot of writers are. But that doesn’t mean we’re bad people. And that’s the end of this blog.

Now I can get back to writing my manif — I mean my novel.

Good bye.

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