My Dad Was a Porn Star — I Found Out By Watching Vintage Porn

My Dad Was a Porn Star — I Found Out By Watching Vintage Porn

Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash

It was a complete shock to me, a few weeks ago, when I was watching porn and I clicked on a clip that looked interesting. It was called “Vintage Busty Blonde, Natural.”

It was pretty good. The Blonde had late 80s hair, and I was focusing on her breasts as the guy took off her bra, and suddenly I saw him — my Dad.

He had a big head of dark curly hair, almost an Afro. And he had a late 80s mustache — kinda Freddy Mercury look. I have seen that exact look in our photo book. And he was about to nail this busty brunette on camera. Damn! But then the clip ended before any action. It was only two minutes of my Dad, doing foreplay. I didn’t even get to see his naked body.

Since my Dad passed away ten years ago, I had to call my Mom to ask about this strange discovery.

“Mom,” I said. “Did Dad do porn?”

There was a silence on the other end of the line which answered my question. Of course, if your Dad never did porn, your mom would immediately say, “Huh? Are you crazy, who would want to watch that jerk have sex?”

“I don’t want to talk about your father,” my Mom said.

They had a bitter break up in the 90s, after I was born. It was probably my fault, I was as much a pain as a toddler as I am as an adult. He took off with a woman my Mom called “The Slut.” I never saw much of my Dad. He spent most of his time climbing mountains. He did K2, Everest, all that shit. Like he was trying to prove something to somebody. I was never much impressed.

But this. Being a porn star. This was interesting. I had to see more. I wondered what his porn name was. I called up my Mom again.

“Mom, what was Dad’s porn name?” I asked.

There was that same silence. Oh shit. He did have a porn name. Of course he did. But she didn’t want to tell me.

“Alright Mom,” I said. “Tell me this. What street did Dad live on when he was little?”

“Same street he lived on when he met me. Main street.”

“Alright,” I said. “What was the name of his pet as a child.”

“His pet?”

She thought about it.

“He had a fish he called Freddy,” she said after a while.

Freddy Main!

I went to google. Nothing. I went to Youporn. Nothing. But then I went to Pornhub. I entered the name Freddy Maine. This time I spelled it like the state. Bingo. Up came Freddy Maine. And it was my Dad. He was in like ten movies in the 80s. You can google him yourself, it you want to watch my Dad banging an 80s chick. You can see my Dad’s manhood.

It was weird. Having never spent much time with him, of course I had never seen his schlong. But in a movie called Meat Sandwich, in which he and another guy double team the same busty blonde from the earlier porno, there it was. My Dad’s johnson. It was amazing. Big and beautiful.

I started to weep. I was filled with such a heartfelt and sincere admiration. For the first time, I felt respect for my father.

Freddy Maine. My Dad. Doing porno out in the valley in the late 80s. Like something out of Boogie Nights. Doing blow. Having orgies. Driving around in a Datsun 280Z. I’d seen photos of that car, the one that said “Just Married,” on the back after he married my Mom, who….

Oh shit.

Suddenly I recognized that busty blonde in the meat sandwich.

Oh no!

It was like a hole was opening up around me and I was being sucked down into a dark abyss.

My Mom…was the star of Meat Sandwich. I mean, I guess she was the meat filling. 

Oh my God!

I tried to turn it off. I clicked on the stop button. But it just kept playing. A nightmare was coming true. I was watching my mother have sex with my father. And another man. I pressed and pressed the button but I couldn’t make it stop. Then everything started spinning. I felt myself being sucked into a vortex of darkness.

Help! Somebody help! Make it stop! Please make it stop!

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