Sex While Driving

Sex While Driving

Does auto-pilot make it possible?

by Christine Stevens

 
 

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

My boyfriend has the latest Tesla with the latest update to what Elon Musk called Auto Pilot — the one he said is capable of doing 90 percent of the driving for you, while you….do whatever.

Everybody asked us last week, as we prepared to drive up the coast, if we were going to use the auto pilot, wink, wink.

NOTE: Tesla officially would like to say right here that they do not condone having sex while using the auto pilot.

OK, glad we got that out of the way.

All these friends thought it would be a good idea to try it out. At least a handy or a blowbie for him.

It does make you wonder, what’s in it for the girl? Is the guy really going to go down on her while the computer takes over the driving? He’s about to make me cum when I see the back of a truck approaching rapidly. The computer is not stopping. Joel, the computer is not —

My last words, and I didn’t quite reach orgasm.

They do say death is like an orgasm, though.

What about full on sex? I suppose I could sit on him, or go cowgirl. Depends on which way I want to be looking as the truck nears.

The thing is, I’m not really into taking risks. And Joel and I are past the “can’t keep our hands off each other” stage. We can easily take a four hour drive up the coast without even holding hands. We’re fine…

Now, back in the day — and way before auto pilot or hybrids or self driving anything — I think I gave every boyfriend I ever took a road trip with a hand job. Guys do seem to love the wank while driving. It combines their two most fun experiences — driving fast and ejaculating — into one big ball of fun.

The blow job I never wanted to try, though, because I read this book called the World According to Garp when I was a teenager, where the guy gets his cock bitten off when the car is rear ended during a blowjob — and that car wasn’t even moving, it was just parked in Garp’s driveway.

I really don’t want the paramedics to arrive and find me with a severed penis in my mouth, sorry.

My advice: limit your car sex to a discreet handjob, but pull away when an SUV or any vehicle with a high clearance passes by — your mother could be in that pickup, and you don’t want her seeing you doing it. Also, keep your eye on the speedometer. As he reaches climax, the guy will tend to get a little heavy footed without realizing it. You probably want him going slower rather than faster for the moment of truth. Oh, and keep a kleenex handy. Because cleanliness is next to godliness.

There’s another thing the guys used to try to get me to do during road trips — flash my boobs at the car were passing. I don’t recommend that one either, ladies. What if someone has their iPhone ready and they snap a photo as you pull down your shirt — you might never be able to run for president!

Seriously, what’s the point in flashing your boobs? Just last week this reality tv star actually got arrested for flashing down in Florida. If your boyfriend tells you to flash your boobs, ask him why. Why is that even a fun thing for a boyfriend to see, his girlfriend flashing someone else? And if he gives you an answer, please let me know, in a response to this story, because I am really curious.

I mean, what do men think we are — trained seals here for their entertainment?

Really.

So, as you head out on the highway, looking for adventure, and whatever comes your way, remember: Sure, you were born to be wild. But don’t fly too high, little grasshopper, and don’t pay any attention to the last line of that chorus.

“We’re never gonna die…”

Because that’s a lie. And if that’s a lie, maybe Elon Musk’s claim that the Tesla is now 90 percent self driving is also a load of codswallop.

Enjoy the scenery, have a great trip!

And be safe!

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