Were Shakespeare’s Plays Written by an Extraterrestrial?

Were Shakespeare’s Plays Written by an Extraterrestrial?

 

Photo by Miriam Espacio on Unsplash

Scholars have been suspicious for a while about Shakespeare. He was a dumb actor. How could he possibly have written those great plays?

Some scholars think it was a poncy rich aristocrat who was reluctant to have his great name associated with the theatre.

Recently, feminists have wondered if it might have been a woman, because Shakespeare wrote so many great female parts for Shrews, Fishwives and Murderesses.

But now, the truth may have been uncovered by Shakespeare researcher and UFO specialist, Jerry Mathers.

“Shakespeare was Grey,” said Mathers. “There’s no doubt about it. He even gives clues in the plays. For example, in Hamlet he writes, ‘There’s more to heaven and earth than is dreamt of in your philosophy. There is an alien race who is living underground beneath the Denver Airport.’ Act One, Scene Five.”

What does this alien race want with us, and why would they write these horrible, four hour plays that nobody understands?

“The Greys hate us,” said Mathers. “And they want us to be bored out of our minds so that we don’t notice when they start eating us.”

I checked Hamlet and there was no reference to the Denver Airport.

“Of course, not in the published folio,” said Mathers. “The Greys made sure it was redacted before publication. But we found lots of references to the Greys in the original manuscripts. For instance, in Lady MacBeth, Act Five, Scene One, she says ‘Out, out, damn spot, you might betray that this human form is a hologram disguising my true reptilian identity as a Grey alien hiding under the Denver Airport.’

OK, I think Mathers might be a lunatic. There was nothing about the Denver Airport in the Scottish Play either.

“No, it says Glasgow International Airport in the published version,” said Mathers. “But that’s a code word for Denver.”

Finally, Mathers recited the real soliloquy from Hamlet as ultimate proof that he has lost his marbles.

“To be or not to be eaten by aliens, that is the question for mankind. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer being breakfast, lunch and dinner for a reptilian race from outerspace, or to take arms against a sea of conspiracies and false flag operations and by opposing end them.”

I seriously doubt Shakespeare was really an alien. After all, men have died and worms have eaten them. But aliens haven’t eaten them. Or have they?

“An alien ate Yorick,” said Mathers.

Poor Yorick…

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