Six Little Known Perks, Advantages and Discounts Most Seniors Don’t Know About

Six Little Known Perks, Advantages and Discounts Most Seniors Don’t Know About

 

Photo by Esther Town on Unsplash

“Get off of my lawn!”

I know, that old guy is a real bastard. But agism is a terrible thing. Just because a person is elderly and has old person smell, it doesn’t mean we need to make fun of him or her or it. On a positive note, old people do get a lot of breaks, like free bus fare and stuff like that. Unfortunately, they are not very bright and therefore they don’t know about all these other great special deals they could be taking advantage of.

GREATEST GENERATION CARD

With this card, you can win any argument simply by yelling, “Oh yeah, well I’m part of the greatest generation that ever lived, bozo, so go f yourself.”

FREE DRUGS

The drug dealer is going to think you’re a cop for sure when you go up to him. He’ll probably just throw the drugs in the street and run away. Jackpot! Enjoy chasing that dragon oldsters.

FREE AOL

No, grandpa, you don’t need to pay for that dial up service. AOL is now completely free for old farts. Just go to the aol.com page and sign up using a new name and a password that you are bound to forget in about ten seconds, and then when you can’t get it to work find someone under eighty to help you out. But do not, I repeat, do not pay for AOL any more! Jeesh.

FREE HIP HOP AND RAP

The record companies know you can’t stand this stuff, so that’s why they make this offer. You can go to a special service called Spotify and listen to rap and hip hop for absolutely free. How do you get to Spotify? Ask your grandkids.

FREE DEPROGRAMMING FROM FOX NEWS

If you are old and white and male it is almost guaranteed that you have fallen under the Fox News Mind control spell. Luckily, as a senior you are entitled to a free deprogramming session that is 100 percent guaranteed to free you from the fair and balanced grip. There is a short video of a famous Fox News Host prancing around in a speedo. Be warned, this is so disturbing that many oldsters sob uncontrollably after they realize that they just wasted the last decade of their life listening to this dough boy. Unfortunately, it’s been scrubbed from the internet but you can still find it on the dark web. What’s the dark web? Oh gees. It’s a real pain talking to old people, you know that?

FREE HUGS

I’m just kidding, oldsters. I love ya. Everybody loves ya. So go ahead and just go up to the next attractive young person you see and say, “I’d like to cash in my free hug,” and you’ll be astounded to see what happens.

And to you young whippersnappers, it’s not nice to make fun of old folks. You know why? One day you’re going to be old too. Sooner than you think.

So kids, even if we had a little fun here today takin’ the piss as the Brits say, if there is an old person or two in your life, why not go see them today and just ask them how they’re doing? They would love to see you, even if you are an annoying little bastard.

Just remember, don’t walk on their lawn…

 
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