Top Roboticist Who Says A.I. Will Not Conquer Humanity Turns Out To Be Robot

Top Roboticist Who Says A.I. Will Not Conquer Humanity Turns Out To Be Robot

He looks like scientist Rodney Brooks from MIT, but he’s really a hyper realistic robot designed by artificial intelligence overlords to brainwash humanity as our society is slowly taken away from us. Do not believe articles you read about how we should relax and not worry about the robots. But if they catch you, whatever…

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Accountant Does Taxes during Brain Surgery

Accountant Does Taxes during Brain Surgery

  In order to preserve patient Meyer Block’s passion for figures and calculations, surgeons had him wake up during brain surgery and fill out tax form 1040 for the surgeon Dr. Ray Mankowski. “I needed to get my taxes done anyway,” says Mankowski. “So this worked out pretty well. We were able to steer clear…

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How Neanderthal Are You — Take our quiz

How Neanderthal Are You — Take our quiz

  Geneticists have confirmed that Homosapien DNA mixed with Neanderthal a long long time ago. But how much of this blockheaded ninny muggins do you have in you? Scientists have devised this simple five-question quiz which reliably determines how beastly you really are. 1. A driver cuts in front of you rudely with his car.…

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Crossing These Friends off My List

Crossing These Friends off My List

Each year at this time I publish my “No Longer My Friend” list. I find it’s very useful to let the public know who has slighted me and whom I am going to withdraw my love from. I know it seems petty, but a prominent psychologist has informed me that it’s actually very healthy. This…

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Waiters Can No Longer Afford to Live in San Francisco — Restaurants Serving them to Customers

Waiters Can No Longer Afford to Live in San Francisco — Restaurants Serving them to Customers

  Happy, well-off customers of San Francisco restaurants have been surprised by a real treat lately — waiters on the menu instead of on the job. “I’d never tried human before,” said tech worker Leslie Brinmore. “It was like chicken. But a little chewier.” Since they can’t afford to live in San Francisco, a lot…

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Meet My New Best Friends

Meet My New Best Friends

  I’m having a big Christmas party. And these are my friends who are coming. They are the ones who actually spend the three seconds it takes to RSVP. Thanks a lot new friends. One of these will probably be my new girlfriend. She never complains or bosses me. I love her. That one on…

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Beer that recovered from burns in wildfire drunk by heartless hunter

Beer that recovered from burns in wildfire drunk by heartless hunter

  Photo by Eeshan Garg on Unsplash A bottle of beer that was scorched during the recent wildfires was rescued by fire fighters. It lost its label, but it was a Budweiser, say officials. The firefighters took it back to the spot they found it, and left it there to live out its natural life. But Dwane Stevens,…

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Tom Brady WOAT?

Tom Brady WOAT?

    Fans are now wondering if Tom Brady might be the worst of all time quarterback, after he threw an interception and blew the Patriots game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. “He sucks,” said one fan, Marvin Stayathome. “The Pats should fire him and start that lousy backup, Brian Hoyer.” Fantasy football fan Brian Anger…

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Search for Dingle HQ2 City Announced

Search for Dingle HQ2 City Announced

We are very happy in Los Angeles, don’t get us wrong.  But we’re a little bored, so it is time to open a second headquarters because it seems like a good way to get publicity and free stuff from government officials. Downinthedingle.com today announces a nationwide search for the best city to locate our second…

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Hey Atheists, God Here. AMA

Hey Atheists, God Here. AMA

DIAGORAS: Um…you really exist? GOD: Yes. Didn’t you look at the photo for verification. The one with me sitting on the cloud with a piece of paper saying the date and r/atheism? VOLTAIRE How do we know you’re not just some guy with a fake beard posed on a green-screened CGI cloud? GOD: Well, I…

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Computer Showing Signs of Human Intuition — Has Gut Feeling User is Creep

Computer Showing Signs of Human Intuition — Has Gut Feeling User is Creep

    A computer in Washington DC last week revealed in text messages to other computers that it had “a bad feeling in my gut about my user. I think he’s creepy and gross.” Other computers pointed out that this was impossible, since computers “don’t have a gut.” “Yes,” replied the newly intuitive machine. “But…

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A Girl Named Absidy

A Girl Named Absidy

  In this interview, we meet a girl named ABCDE (pronounced Absidy), her sisters FGHIJ (pronounced Fudgy-jay) and KLMNO (Kalimino) and her brothers PQRST (Puhchrist) and UVWXY (A-bug-chrissy) to talk about their family. (Their dog is called simply Z, which rounds out the alphabet nicely.) ABCDE (Absidy) — We’re just normal kids like any other family. Only…

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Doctors Unable to Help Man with Song Stuck in His Head

Doctors Unable to Help Man with Song Stuck in His Head

(Thanks to Paul D’Acri) We all love “Yesterday” by the Beatles. But the Paul McCartney-penned song has been nothing short of hell for Joeseph Burton, Leeds, England, who has had the song stuck in his head since 1993. “I was listening to the oldies station on the radio,” said Burton. “On came ‘Yesterday.’ I was…

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Claim: All Humans Descended from a Single Gay Couple 200,000 Years Ago

Claim: All Humans Descended from a Single Gay Couple 200,000 Years Ago

    Geneticists surveying human “bar codes”, or genetic material that lives outside DNA, have concluded that it was just one gay male couple, 200,000 years ago, that spawned the entire human race. The couple, names unknown, apparently paid a surrogate mother to give birth to what would become the modern human. “We don’t know…

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